Harry, just Harry
by Prisha
Summary: Post OotP. Harry is really pissed of his whole life and didn’t mind to tell this in very clear words to Albus Dumbledore, when the old man asks him once more to be reasonable...


**Harry, just Harry**

#I normal do not write in English, but this came to me very clearly at 3 o'clock in the morning and all of this was in English, so I wanna share it with you...

Post OotP. Harry is really pissed of his whole live and didn't mind to tell this in very clear words to Albus Dumbledore, when the old man asks him once more to be reasonable...#

"All you people think that I'm the bloody-boy-who-lived, the savior of the wizard world, the One ... I really don't know what else for a bloody bullshit...

But I'm Harry, just Harry.

I believe you of yourself think that I'm your personally pawn on your big chessboard of this world of black and white, may be I'm also your well trained weapon against the bastard of an Dark Lord who called himself pathetically Voldemort ... this insane megalomaniac...

But I'm just a fifteen year old orphan boy, who had only a light impression how to fight properly ... and had always a blood hell of luck...

I sometimes think that I might be the-boy-who-could-not-die-whilst-all-the-others-he-does-like-will-die-instead...

My parents got killed by this moron, when I was only one year old baby – instead of me, so I might to live on.

Bad for me, so I got an orphan to be mistreated a bloody hell of years by my so called relatives, the blasted Dursley's...

But done is done and none of a how strong it might be could-have-been-whish will change this matter ... so I better don't mind...

In my first year I got over the Philosophers Stone and rescued it from a mad, dawdled wizard, who should be my teacher, but instead carried a nearly not alive Voldemort in the back of his head ... and none of you notices that...

Not a nice view, I can tell you ... I always got nightmares of this ... but don't mind ... done is done and nothing can change the evil memories of this past ... and I don't want to care of this any longer...

So you, old man, came first to talk to me, when all was over ... such secrets – I may tell you – are not good to be kept, cause it's too dangerous when the ones who are involved don't get the right knowledge about them. So those can only act as their belly or their heart may lead them to...

My second year, people got petrified and I was believed to be bloody Slithering heir. Nearly all of the students mobbed me and nobody of the adults helped me out of this mess ... no better, we've got a DADA teacher who was too dull to think about anything else than his beauty, his greatness and how to steal successes from other people who realy did it. I on my own had to go down the last steps to the Chamber of Secrets, for Lockhart lost his mind and Ron was blocked by fallen rocks. I was able to save Ginny, but I nearly died ... it was just Fawkes tears that saved me...

But I still dream of this bloody diary, the nearly dead girl and the basilisk down there...

Ginny begins to worship me and I got some strange looks by all the others. Once more I was the dammed boy who lived, but nobody helped me to get around my very bad nightmares when I went to my so called home.

My so called aunt – she is not my real aunt, only the sister of my uncle, but I was forced to call her aunt – insulted me and I realy got pissed. So I blew her up – not that there was little to blow her up. She is just like an elephant in her normal shape.

I run away and got the knowledge that there was a man who escaped from prison just to hunt me down. I only was given small hints and nothing of that was true. Nobody bothers to tell me that Sirius Black was in fact my godfather and he was innocent. The Dementors got the better of me and the cries I heard when they came near me were the cries of my dying mother and father and the insane laughter of Voldemort who killed them ... realy nice ... I can tell you...

There was someone for the first time, who taught me how to get rid of this evil beasts, but he neither told me the whole truce ... so I know today that he could not do, cause he didn't know it himself and he also had a dangerous secret to keep.

Then I learnt that Sirius was innocent and for the first time in my live I was realy happy. But this doesn't last long. Worse came to worse and he had to go on a run. Remus followed him cause someone – and I can realy tell you that I know by heart who it was – let slip Lupins secret that he was a werewolf once in a month.

I again stood alone with my evil memories, but I could write to Sirius. Not that this is a great deal for a lonely orphan to write letters to his godfather, but it is better than noting.

The next year was even worse. I got forced into the Tri-Wizard-Tournament and nobody believes me, that this was not my idea. Sure we talked about this, but in a way you may talk about your dreams of a far away future. I stood alone again and only Hermione helped me a little to get through this blasted mess.

I pulled this egg from under that dragon, I solved it's puzzles with the help of the fake Mad-Eye ... by the way ... nobody noticed that he was fake until it was nearly too late...

I got two people out of this lake ... my bloody heroism told me to do so ... Merlin, I was so naive...

Nobody realy believed me when I saw this Crouch man stumbled out of the forest and spluttered not realy understandable things.

In the last task hell breaks over me. Another student was killed cause this bastard moron thought him to be 'spare'. Nobody is spare, everyone has his meaning, not only the human ones, but everybody who is able to think by himself ... there is simply nothing like a 'spare' individual.

But worse came to worse. I was forced to give me blood to reawake Voldemort. To see this snakelike corpse elaborate out of this sticky cauldron was nearly more than I could bear. Moreover this bloody bastard put me in a-thought-to-be deadly duel after he called his dumbstruck followers to watch him while he killed an only fourteen year old kid. Great thing, I think. How pathetic must someone be to do such a miserable thing?

But again I had the blasted luck I always had and got away with some small injuries, even when Cedric was dead and the Dark Lord rose again.

There were some talks, but there again was nobody who realy helped me to sort out the whole mess and I again had to go back to the hell I had to call home...

Dementors attacked me there and nobody told me what realy was going on or simply believed that I had to perform magic to save my live and this of my fat cousin. I tell you, old man, I realy got pissed, when all I got to know was that I had to stay put ... with all these strange dreams and nightmares deep in my mind...

Occlumency – oh yeah – fat chance – to be taught by a man who realy hates me cause my father played him some very bad prangs. He used his hatred to blow in my mind like using a sledgehammer to get rid of a wall in a building you don't need any longer...

It won't become better. My scare ached even more and I was more open to everything the Dark Lord wanted to stick in my brain than before.

This toad woman who called herself a teacher subdued and humiliated me. I even had to write with my own blood 'I shall not tell lies', as long that the scares of this won't disappear from the back of my hand as long as I may live...

You know well the incidents in the ministry of magic, so I don't want to speak about ... Sirius is dead and he will not come back whatever you may say...

There is also this prophecy you told me some minutes ago ... but may I ask, if you don't mind ... why in the name of Merlin you didn't tell me about this bloody thing before it was too late ... to late to know that this was a trap for me ... to late to be prepared to save someone ... to late for my friends to stay back, so I won't bring them in a deadly danger ... and to late for my godfather Sirius ... he is dead and I had to live with the thought, that I was the one who got him killed cause I knew too little...

So, old man, I've got not much more to say, but I had enough of all this mess...

I gonna go ... leave you with the knowledge that there is no longer your blasted pawn on your chessboard ... you may search for another one ... for I am no longer available...

I'm Harry, just Harry, not anything else ... I'll make my own way ... you won't see me anymore..."

The young man stood up, turned to the door and blasted it open without his wand. A sheer magic wave erupted from him and he was gone ... leaving a dumbstruck headmaster, knowing that there was no way to get back his precious pawn to play his game of good and evil...

Some month's later the corpse of the Dark Lord, who called himself Voldemort, was found mangled and torn on the steps to the entrance of the castle. Nobody knows how he got there, but all of the wizards and witches could think that it was the last very precious gift from the boy who lived and now had disappeared...

Nobody saw ever again Harry Potter neither in the Wizards World nor in the Muggle one...

On a small fancy island in a very strange world lived a young man without a real name, but the inhabitants used to call him 'terek nor' which means in their language 'the emerald eyed one with the lightning'...

End


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